life

on the contrary…

I went to visit a friend today. This friend of mine is doing alright for herself; she has a home, her husband has a stable job, and they have the most adorable little girl (I have taken the liberty of adopting her as my “niece”, despite not having any biological relationship to any of them, but I digress). While the baby was napping, we updated each other about anything new in our lives – which, honestly, wasn’t that much.

While I was talking to her about the details of my life – my dilemma with financial aid, going back to my community college, the stress of working retail, and the petty drama in my home life – she smiled at me and said, “You really do have your life together.”

I laughed.

My life, together?!

Puh-lease.

I’m lucky that I can wake up in time to brush my teeth before I go to work. My life is so far from being “together” that my entire existence is a joke. I spend my money recklessly, so much so that it’s a miracle I can even pay my bills at this point. I forget to eat 99% of the time, and the times I do eat, it’s usually stuff that will eventually cause me to die of high cholesterol. I get 5 hours of sleep every night, if I’m lucky. I procrastinate on my homework because I literally cannot find the energy to put into it. I KEEP GETTING CREDIT CARDS WHEN I SHOULD REALLY FOCUS ON TRYING TO PAY OFF MY CURRENT DEBT.

Um, but I digress.

It made me a little happy, though. Because even though I know my life is shit, I still have the energy to make the most out of it.

At the end of the day, I still have: a home, an OK family, amazing friends who always know how to make me laugh, a boyfriend that listens to me whine and bitch and still puts up with me (and he feeds me!), a college education (even if it isn’t entirely completed), a job that pays me well enough, and hope.

Because one day, my life will not be this much of a shit show.

Right?

(Dear God, if you can hear me, please spare me.)

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